your hands numb
and mouth full
of triple
thick, quick-
melting coffee bean ice cream—
is when
you start to feel
not so great
about
all of those so-
called resolutions
you made
almost
half a year ago—
is when
your face
first flushes to realize
that you can't really
stomach
any more promises—
you start to regret
having turned yourself
into a total
glutton
for punishment
instead of
becoming one
for permission.
hell feels
like combining
acute stressors
and old
coping mechanisms
and then
still wondering—
how come
I
won't calm down—
and can't
wake
up? at the same time.